Jack Maverick's Last Stand: The Revenge (Between Foxy and Foxy)

Post by: Foxy
Date: Apr 28, 2010, 10:15pm

He woke up with amnesia twice in one morning, never knowing until he caught himself reading the paper. "War!" said the paper's headline. He scoffed and smirked and scoffed again, throwing the paper aside into a fire where it curled and crinkled and did that thing where the edge is alight and burns around in swifty swirly patterns that leave behind nothing but ash like the ash that was his soul.

He was at a bar, at night, and a man accosted him. "Just let me drink in peace," he said with gravel in his throat, and the other man puffed out his shoulders and shot back, "okay, sir. I will." Then Jack Maverick coughed up all the gravel in his throat onto the bar and the bartender said, "Jesus %#&#ing Christ and threw Jack Maverick out of the bar, he hit his head on the ground and remembered the "War!" headline on the newspaper and remembered the War! he had fought in - the headline of his heart.

Two men with sunglasses and black suits with black ties and black hair and black earpieces and black shoes - they were actually black men - got out of a black shiny government car. Jack Maverick pretended not to notice them as he fished around for gravel inside his gumline with his trigger-calloused index finger, kind of trapped beneath his upper lip which was a wildly uncomfortable place to have the gravel. "Jack Maverick," one of the men said from behind his sunglasses, hiding like a coward would hide behind sunglasses.

"That's Jack... Maverick," Jack Maverick corrected the man. "We need your help," the man said, "your country needs your help." Jack's stomach welled with patriotism and a tear came to his eye, "I'm not that guy anymore," he said as trumpets played in the background, the kind of music you would hear at a funeral for a dead soldier, "I am a dead soldier," Jack Maverick thought. One of the black men pointed at Jack Maverick's stomach and said, "look at this pot-belly of patriotic swellage, Jack, it's glowing... glowing red white and blue."

"I'm not that guy anymore," Jack Maverick said for the first and final time.

"Jack you're the best super-soldier rockstar football player special agent spy pilot part-time-pizza-shop-owner marine this country's navy has ever had the pleasure of throwing away to a miserable life of beers and amnesia which we totally didn't give you except that we did but that's a conspiracy that I'd better not give away yet because it's foreshadowing for a later development where you discover it and then shoot me with a one-liner like..."

"Guess that wipes your windows, boss," Jack Maverick cut him off as he smoked three cigarettes duct-taped together.

"They have your daughter, Jack."
"I'm not that guy anymore."
"Yes you do, her name is Lisa and her mom's the Russian spy you courted in your pizza shop."
Jack reluctantly grunted and spit out the last of the gravel as he got into the car. "I'm only doing this because I love my daughter and my country."
"I love your daughter too, sir," said the other black man.
Jack looked at the government agents with disgust, "you know, you people are what's ruining this country." Damn the government because I hate the government.
"Say what?"
Squadilah, they were off.


Post by: Foxy
Date: Apr 29, 2010, 7:37pm

By Gene:

"Well excuuuuuuuuse me, princess." John Mannlicher puffed on the cigar between his puffed lips and stared at the ceiling longingly like a deep protagonist would. His brain floundered in a lake of bourbon, while it was wearing water wings and some Spongebob swim trunks. At least, that's the image he had in his head of what it was doing at that moment (a moment of uncharacteristic self-reflection).

He turned his head away from the ceiling and towards his recently-met 'girlfriend', who went by the name of Valerie or Valeriano or Valentine or something along those lines. He couldn't remember because he had only met her at the bar a few hours ago and had brought her home so he could have sex with her, since that was what cool guys did, met girls and had SEX with them shortly after. She was complaining about the state of his cool downtown studio apartment, carefully selected by him for it's sniper view of the city square and total rugged loner aesthetic. They had only just met and already she was telling him what to do. Unbelievable. Typical woman, not unlike the other typical women he always brought home to have sex with.

"Look at this place, it's like Satan took a dump and smeared it all over the floor. The grime on the bathroom counter is disgusting! I can't believe you live like this, if my mother was here she'd go nuts. Not only on me for being here with a man I don't really know but... are you even listening to me? Turn that lamp on so I can see you!"

John took another sweet puff of sweet nicotine and thought about all the events in his life that had brought him to this. God was in his Heaven, guiding John along a path to being the coolest son of a gun in history. As Valencia scraped past John to flick on the lamp beside the bed, John reached under his pillow and grabbed the chromey Colt .45 (pretty much a trademark of badasses everywhere, well at least until the Desert Eagle came along) that rested there, and pointed it at her stomach. He let his thumb unlatch the safety, and then clicked it back on again, because he wasn't really going to shoot her. He just wanted her to hear the cool clicking noise, because guns make those kinds of noises even when you don't do anything with them.

"Whoa, whoa, slow down there honey. Ain't nobody bringing light into my lair." Terrified, she laid back down, and for a slow few seconds edged away from him on the bed, increasing the space between them ever so quietly until she fell off of the bed with a squeal. Her clutching hands ripped the covers off of John's ripped body, and his gleaming muscles glistened with the baby oil he had so liberally applied an hour or two ago. John didn't move a single shredded muscle during this entire episode, except the ones in his face required to keep the cigar tilted up so it didn't burn his cool face right off his head.

I wonder what Jack Maverick is doing.


Post by: Foxy
Date: Apr 29, 2010, 7:39pm

"I wonder what Jack Maverick is doing," Jack Maverick thought to himself as the limousine tumbled down the highway at high velocity with lots of speed. One of the men who had abducted him against his will, or so they thought, turned to him and said, "Jac-" but was immediately cut off. "Jack Maverick," Jack Maverick again had to correct the man, it was as though he were stupid. Jack couldn't stand stupid people because I'm a genius that nobody understands and he had a Ph.D in Quantum Universal Astrological Communications Kinetics. Jack Maverick knew that everybody was stupid except for me.

Suddenly his ears perked up so hard he had to grab them and wrench them back into place with great effort just to keep the fleshy muscular hearing-dishes that his mother had given each side of his head in place. "Did you hear that?" Jack Maverick asked. The man beside him shook his head. Jack Maverick put on his sunglasses and lit a cigarette before he said, "it's time."

It was time.

Suddenly the car was rocked and rolled by an explosion and they were surrounded by helicopters made of Russians. "Those cunning Russians made one mistake," Jack Maverick calmly told the man next to him who was screaming as his afro collected shards of glass. "They attacked the car that Jack Maverick was in." Jack Maverick burst from the car's roof while pulling out his revolver gun and his pistol gun and he began firing bullets into the Russians which was a successful attack and a clever notion because Russians hate it when you fire bullets into them.

"I hate it when bullets are shot in me! " said a Russian.
"Damn that Jack Mejvrik!" said a Russian twice.

Jack Mejvrik laughed his gravely laugh in a grave way - which is to say he gravely laughed gravely, it was his destiny to take that gravel to his grave. Jack landed on a car full of a family and the woman inside asked immediately, "who's that?!" A Russian landed on the car behind him with a knife and he yelled in Russian, "yaaaaaaa."

"Yaaaaaaa." Jack Maverick yelled back without turning around and the Russian was taken off guard because Jack Maverick knew Russian-speak. The Russian fell off the back of the car and Jack Maverick turned just in time to see his head pop like a grape under the tire of a semi-truck. The children in the back seat cheered as the Russian's body was mutilated. Jack Maverick unfolded an American flag and jumped off the speeding car, using it as a parachute to safety, saluting himself as he drifted towards the men.

When he landed he said, "those Russians weren't the ones who have my daughter. Has my daughter possibly betrayed me then?"
"Yes, possibly so," said the man who was still screaming from the limousine crash. In his soul he felt a terrible awakening, as though a demon had possessed him and wrapped its slithery tendrils around his scrotum, tugging for all its worth on his bleak black withery conscience. "I SHALL AVENGE YOU, LISA!!" Jack Maverick screamed into the sky, and the sky trembled.

"I know just the man to talk to, John Mannlicher."


Post by: Elena
Date: Jun 6, 2010, 11:08pm

Write mo', foo.